So last week my Bush Administration cellphone turned into a turtle
from Woolworth’s and i followed the Sage of Wellelsey’s advice and
bought an iPhone, under the Coolidge-like scrutiny of our company’s
CFO. And within two days I lost it. Somewhere I lost it. Was it in
the pocket of one coat or four others? Was it under my bed or in the
layers of bedding? Was it in one grocery bag full of important papers
or in another reusable grocery bag full of possibly important papers?
Was it stuck between the CD’s I keep in the car -including the
lackluster new Lyle Lovett? Maybe it was in my office so I started
using the store telephone to call my new iPhone. I asked a friend to
call my apartment at 1030PM while I stood stock still and listened for
Steven Jobs-approved chirps. I borrowed a phone and called from my
car and apartment. Nothing. I have heard that there is a clever
“app” that will report your missing phone to your computer, using GPS,
but I didn’t have time to install it. The missing phone itself grew
discouraging. There was a recording saying “The Mailbox is full” and
then there was a more conclusive message that I had not yet set up a
mailbox. A bit of a reproach there. And if the phone wasn’t soon
recharged it would run out of power and i’d have to literally step on
it in order to locate it.

Maybe it was stolen or some other iPhone user had mistakenly taken it
so they could listen to my assortment of Afro Pop, Techno and hip
country music.

Finally I found it in the other truck at Magazine Beach Shell Now I
am forced to contemplate what to do so this search doesn’t become a
weekly event. And I have a sudden respect for those multi-pocketed
jackets that were always in Wired magazine’s Christmas issues. A
little geeky but maybe an integral antenna running up my sleeve would
be helpful. Or i could revive what Bill Cosby called Idiot Mittens,
the long piece of string that prevented grade school kids from losing
their mittens. I also thought about reviving the round your neck
African wallet from those old Panther demonstrations. I may be the
wrong person for this clever device.

1. Dino on December 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

   I wondered if you managed to set up the voice mail, or if you gave my number a dulcet ringtone.